No Second Takes

Used to hate me. Used to hate everything.
FLASHBACK to some years ago.

I didn't like being me. I was the insecure lil freak. Belonged to the noisiest and rowdiest clique in high school. But i loved 'em guys. They were the best. Those were times when i was sure someone's got my back--talking about my friends. They had mine and i had all seven of theirs. It was nice. No stark conflict came our way. But that was the nice part. They thought i was successful and content but my friends haven't seen the rest of me. This is the "me" that i ain't comfortable of letting everybody see. Can't bare being bare. Friends told me Iwas smart. And I knew I was (bragging aside). But i didn't want to be under the pressure of keeping it up and be a "one quarter wonder". I was comfortable of wearing that skin. Being the regular guy who always brought the surprise to things.

ZAP to the present.

Nothing much has changed on the outside. But my insides were flowing with painful realizations. I could've done so much back in high school when things were quite enjoyable; when you had your real blood friends with you. They could've supported you. I'm starting to shed my skin now. I know I came in late. It's gut-wrenching and frustrating bring unable yo unleash what i had in HS. Nothing I could do to turn it back and have all the doors open once more. All I could do is wait for the others to open up. Wish they will.

Seems abstract? Yeah... It's supposed to be that way. You'll realize what this is all about if you're with me on the subject.